Do they really exist…?
Ok, so we never did get that 40acres and a mule, but where are all the decent & eligible SBM (Single Black Men)? Huh?
My name isn’t Shaniqua, I’m not a single mother of three (with two different baby daddies), I’m not a GED holder,I don’t consider going to the Bronx -being “well traveled” nor do I use Ebonics/slang in (a.) a public setting (b.) in the white man’s place of employment and (c.) with people I don’t know.
Truth be told, I’m a well read, extensively traveled, twenty something woman with 3/4 of a college degree (almost there…!) who’s maintained gainful full-time employment since I was 18. Don’t smoke, drink occasionally, no kids, etc etc. I’m a great catch, plain and simple. I’d mention the 38D chest and firm buttocks but that seems so superficial, lmao. 
I’ve read so many blogs in the last few days regarding men who claim they can’t find decent women ; to that I’m going to ask, where are all you supposed decent men? Where exactly is my King, my Mandingo warrior?
Don’t laugh, I mean this is who I’m suppose to be looking for right? According to quite a few of my friends, I shouldn’t be looking outside of the Brothas for love. Well, can the Brothas show me some love? Let me be specific, can the educated, well read, well traveled (or at least interested in traveling,soon), ambitious, well-rounded Brothas, show your girl some love? Can he be charismatic, witty, self sufficient, honest and reliable. He doesn’t have to look like Tyson Beckford ( although if he did,I’d be just as thrilled!!), not that I want Steve Erkel either. How about someone who’s put together nicely from head to toe. Some one who can shop in Bloomingdales with as much ease and finesse as he could Dr.Jays
I mean although I’m not thinking about marriage now, I’d like to get married one day (just admitted that to myself about a year ago). Unfortunately, it seems that my groom just may not be a Brotha - at this rate dating out just seems like a viable option. How long am I suppose to wait for my Black Prince charming? Let me answer that: I’m NOT. I don’t believe in fairy-tales and I don’t believe in wasting time.
Why is it so wrong for me to be tired of the “fixer-uppers”? I’ve done the supportive black woman schtick and supported(emotionally never financially) her black man- who had to work two jobs, and to that I say, NEVER again. Why you ask? Because as soon as dude got right, he got funny, and that’s where we had to part ways. I know that not all black men are fixer uppers and no, I don’t have a dead beat daddy ( he is and has always been in my life with one foot in my ass). I’m just having a moment of tiredness, a two year moment of not really finding men my age who’re willing to be something other than average negros. Black men say they want a “down ass chick”, but some of you never know how to truly appreciate one.
Then when you see us on the arm of Chad (a.k.a A White Boy), you guys are quick to get nasty and call us names. Quick to say, aww w he don’t know what to do with that, you need to find you a real man. Well, will all the REAL MEN - PLEASE STAND UP. And NO, some of us don’t turn to white guys for their money, some of just need a change of fuckin scenery.
Please understand, I’m by no means saying non-black men don’t cheat, lie and do all those nasty little habits. What I am saying however, is that 9/10 non-black men aren’t going to pursue a black woman if he wasn’t really interested. When I say pursue, I mean something other than a booty-call, something sustainable. They’re already aware of the challenges and don’t care.
When I was younger I used to read about black women searching for their SBM or BMW (Black Man Working) and could never understand why they were looking, when there seemed to have been an abundance. Little did I know that ten years later, I too would have the same question only this time I’d have better sense than sitting around waiting for my SBM and just look for a SM.
I know, I’m a walking, talking woman of many contradictions, but I’m a good one just trying to piece out this bullshit game of dating.
T.
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You just sound very biter! There are plenty of good brothers out there (such as myself) or maybe its you………… or maybe you are holding them up to a unrealistic standard that NO 1 can passs and if they did you would still find a issue then at that point ………………… or you just hate BLACK MEN! what do I know!!!!!
And your point is? Do you see what the top of that Header says? It is wat it is. Your approval IS NOT needed. Have you ever had a bad break up that leaves a bad taste in your mouth? If no, good for you - hope you never have that happen to you. As i’ve said throughout this blog, I’m a walking contradiction. As for your assessment on it being me, you DO NOT KNOW ME nor do you have a clue as to how I am like in a relationship.If expecting the FULL TRUTH is being “unrealistic”, so be it. Then I guess it is just bitter ole ME. And NO, I don’t HATE ALL BLACK MEN (my daddy is a black man, sherlock), disgrunteled with some that I’VE come in contact with - YOU DAMN STRAIGHT. And I’ll write whatever I want regarding THOSE black men. If you do not fit the description of the men I am referencing,then fall back.
[White flag] I’m waving it right now! We just need to pull out the PEACE pipe and act like this never happened!
no they don’t…they do not exist…it’s like the unicorn, people have said that they’ve seen it, but really…did they?
I am not bitter either, but sheesh, i’m a good looking female, will have my degree in less than a month, have a decent job, live on my own in the non-hood part of Brooklyn…yet I can not seem to meet anyone decent. WTF!? that’s why i have no shame is saying that i will date out of my race, not for money and like this sista said, fools come in all shapes, sizes and races, but for right now, i’m giving these black men a break…
hey hey! I’ve written about this a few times. I really think that black men and women are having some communications differences about what a good man/woman is.
During a “Dry spell” I was complaining to my cousin that there are very few good, eligible black men around. He said “There’s plenty of good brothas around.” “so there are tons of educated attractive, caring, faithful black men who love God, have NO children and have a legal job?” he told me no, but they’re some good dudes that take care of their kids and have some sort of job. See there’s the difference men and women don’t have the same ideas and we judge each other based on what we bring to the table. I can’t tell you how many men will pass up a classy, educated sister for a chick with no education and a house full of kids. for what reason… “she caters to me” “she takes good care of the kids” etc. we have different ideas of what it means to be a good man or woman. until we all figure it out, we’ll continue to have this convo.
ps.- thanks for adding me to your blogroll!
http://brownsugarpages.wordpress.com
there are alot of good black men but the whit women have them. lets face it black women dont apprecieat them most of them. you know use black women are always clowning showeing there behind. being loud with the kids father in front of them i have two sons one married to a white women the other to a black women. the one with a white women is much happier i dont have to worry about him being cussed out put out, stuff thrown at him or sprayed in his face. black women seem to take kindness for weakness and run all over you if you show any sign of careing. thats why i wont my sons with white women, less worry ok. like it or not this is fact from what i have seen.
Now my question to you Annette is, if your son is as unhappy as you say - then why does he not leave and get himself a white woman? I think you and I are referring to two different caliber of 1. blk men and 2. blk women. I don’t know what’s causing your son to be “cussed out or put out” but there three sides to every story.
Goodluck to all parties.
I just stumbled across your blog. Great Topic!! I’m 34, black, educated and single. Yes, I want to get married and will date anyone who likes me. I live in Brooklyn, NY as well. There are nice guys of all races, but the brotha’s ignore me or knock me down to get to all the other races of girls so I’m going to do the same.
What the hell are you women talking about? First of all, where are you meeting these men? I work in IT and on my floor including myself, there’s about 10 black males. 9/10 of us are single, no kids, decent jobs. Maybe you women should move to Tampa, cause there’s obviously a shortage of potential wives defined as:
SINGLE
NO KIDS
ATTRACTIVE
An overall NICE person
Yes, some of us have dated outside our race, but that’s because its almost impossible to meet a black women that meets the above mentioned “high standards”. We, by no means, fit the definition of a “thug” women drool over and the media worships. Be honest in this blog, what are you looking for?
I think for us, what I’ve mentioned is all we’re looking for. Its really not more complicated than that. From what I’ve seen, these so called “potential wives” definitely have options. And they will always chose the one who can afford them the lifestyle they want to live first.
My dear friend Rich…so what happend to the women,that have everything on your list, but have a child? do they get ignored? I’m singe, attrative and an overall nice person, who just so happens to have a 14 year old? Did i mention educated and holding down a well paying job? where does that leave me?
Rich, you’re a riot. Now what the hell are YOU, talking about? Tampa, huh? Might have to check into that.lol
As for me, I’ve met these dudes: in supermarkets, walking down the street, in Barnes & Noble and I even tried my luck on Match.com (waste of my money!). I work with all women, so there’s no chance of meeting a decent man there.
Where do you suggest I look for/inadvertently bump into one? And pls don’t say chruch.
At this point, I’m jaded and well aware of it; Buda likes to call it “bitter” but I’ve already dealt with him on that [right Buda,lol].
As for honesty, how much more is there left to say? At this point in my life, I’m merely looking for someone who’s able to compliment me and add some sense of enrichment to me as a woman and to my life. I’m not asking for much, I don’ think. I wasn’t aware that asking for the basics would be considered “high standards”. Guess I’ll have to go buy myself two cats right now.
SINGLE / NO KIDS/ ATTRACTIVE/ GREAT IN BED (let’s not lie, this is a deal breaker for most!)/ FINANCIALY SOUND/ GREAT PERSONALITY/ COOKING ABILITIES THAT GO BEYOND BREAKFAST ( we cld negotiate on this)
*and not in that particular order either
When you say: “From what I’ve seen, these so called “potential wives” definitely have options. And they will always chose the one who can afford them the lifestyle they want to live first”
Wouldn’t looking for a man who’s able(if need be) to financially sustain you be no brainer? I mean, who really and truly is going to take on the pauperous life of another? Not me. I’m not asking nor do I need a man to provide for me,but to know that he can IF needed - is a hell of a comfort and relief. But my momma always taught me to have my own.
I am a Tampa woman and I have all of those qualities! and trust me it is not the way Rich describes. Where do the men who are so fabulous hang out? I go to church, hang out with, go shopping with and get my hair done with women like you described. I don’t however run into men like that.
This problem is 2 fold.
1. lame, hood, broke down, no good men/women are always the ones who don’t mind doing the approaching in social situations, people who have it all together generally wait to be approached. so maybe these shones and lames keep blocking good people from each other.
2. folks need to stop thinking that nice is the only quality they need to get a woman. I’m glad you’re nice and have a good job but do you have a personality? are you thoughtful? etc? Would you date yourself if you were a woman? think honestly with no excuses. Are you approachable? etc.
on another note Rich if ya’ll are still single in T-town let me know, I have a bevy of lovely Sista’s that you all should meet.( you’ll just have to come to church to meet them!) =)
Annette’s post is filled with so much self hatred, I could pass out. If your son and his wife fight and he’s the one that’s telling you about it then you’re only hearing one side of the story ( plus you’re his mom so that make you biased) on the other hand he mave just married a loud arguing woman, Those come in all colors, being demanding is not a black or white thing. Sheesh!
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