When I knew ( 2 and 0 )
Posted by FallenStarNBabylon | Filed under Fallen's Starz, Relationship/Dating Stuff
Sometimes people say things that trigger you to remember random actions, thoughts feelings and it forces you to deal with what is and what will never….
I remember the first time we talked, I smiled giddily because for some odd reason your voice was just as I pictured it. Strong and solid but with a strange hint of fucking sex appeal.
It was eight months and some days before I knew that my feelings for you weren’t just that of a friend. (250)
I didn’t hide who I was with you nor did I ever feel the need to. It felt like a natural progression. I even did a drive by phone bone session! HA! I laugh at my boldness and your inability to to frikkin participate. Needless to say, that was a never again experience. LOL. Then again, your voice has always done it for me.
It was another two months before I even got up the courage to let you know and that in itself was sort of by accident. But in the end, it was out in the open. (60)
Oddly it was by email and if I’m going to be completely honest, it was as if me telling you never quite merited a fucking response because you never gave one.
I don’t think I ever thought the players would change but a part of me kind of hoped the dynamic would. Little did I know, it most certainly would.
No matter how I asked or how many times I asked about players, your answered never wavered and a part of me knew by then, that you were EXCELLENT at the bullshit 2-step. And yet, I accepted. (30)
Fast forward (240)
I remember the TADA moment. I remember the shock and the cotton mouth. I remember feeling like the bottom had been pulled out of the pit of my stomach. I remember your exact words after what seemed like 5 mins of silence and looking back I wish I had made a smarter and decisive decision at that time.
When I look back, there were clear signs that I was most likely allowing myself to be toyed with, but as most do, I ignored it and kept moving.
Tired of the games and tired of the same thing everyday but never getting ANYTHING out of it, I hit’em with the sucka shit. Yeah, that didn’t work out as I really aint had a solid plan!!! LOL. That really and truly was fake jackin. SMH at ME (90)
In a lot of ways you’ve been a rock to me. Your friendship came at an extremely pivotal and dire point in my life and I will always be grateful and always love you for the kindness you’ve shown me when I needed it. (59)
By the grace of god, I’ll always be able to have you in my life but I’m finally able to say, I’m ready for something REAL. On this last day before the clock repeats itself, I feel ready to break the attachment and ready to let empty words fall….
BURR. (1)*
January 6th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
I won’t say I told you so, I’ll leave it at he doesn’t know what he’s missing.